I’m really bad at being bad at things. Stay with me here – I’m not trying to say that I’m good at everything (because hahaha I’m only good at a few things). I just mean that I’m obsessed with being good at things. When I first learn how to do something new, I get really obsessive about being good at it.
I either wind up really good at said activity, or I pretty much stop doing it all together. I can’t stand to be bad at things. For instance – I’m really, really bad at ice-skating. I didn’t ice-skate for the first time until I was 18-years-old and by that point, I was scared and horrible. Ice-skating always sounds super fun to me, but I’ve only ever been once because I was so horrible that I haven’t gone again. (There were tons of little kids who kept ice-skating circles around me and giving me tips and laughing at me – it was traumatizing.)
Other things that I’m bad at that I no longer participate in: softball – slow and fast pitch, tumbling, hockey, workout videos, hurdling, eating healthy, whispering.
But there are a few things I’m exceptionally good at just because I’m an obsessive psycho: folding clothes (stop – this is not a joke), loading the dishwasher (and don’t even get me started on the importance of proper dishwasher-loading), coloring, playing darts.
So far in life, I’ve had very few jobs that I didn’t like. But I think that has more to do with the fact that I’m obsessed with being good at my job, than initially liking it. I’ve found that I enjoy working a lot more if I’m good at whatever I’m doing (which is why I’m really good at driving a forklift and making a latte).
So last night, I received a giant box of yarn and crochet hooks (shout-out Momma Carol for being the most generous person on the planet). I’ve always liked to do crafty things, but I never thought that I would be a crochet-er. I was wrong – I was very, very wrong.
The box showed up at our house just before dinner, and I got antsy with excitement. I cooked dinner as fast as possible, made myself a fresh cup of coffee, then sat down with my crochet hooks, yarn, and 24 learning videos.
At first – I was horrible. Like so bad that the stitches did not even remotely look like the videos. I could hardly even tell where the guy was sticking his stinkin’ crochet hook because my stitches were so bad. I learned the basics of a slip-knot, chaining, single crocheting, half double crocheting, double crocheting, and treble stitching (look how fancy I am with my new crochet words).
I practiced them all a few times until they looked similar to the stitches that he was making on the videos. After I thought that I was getting pretty good, I decided to conquer the next video – a granny square. The way the teacher did it, it looked pretty simple. Let me tell you: it was not simple. Not even a little bit. It was very, very hard.
I tried to crochet a granny square four different times and not a single one of them looked like a square; three of them looked like awkwardly shaped circles and the last one looked like a freakin’ hexagon. I don’t even know how it happened. At the end of my four tries, I got mad and decided to just move on.
Okay, so I couldn’t crochet a granny square – who cares? If I can make a granny square look like a circle, I figured I could at least crochet a circle (which was the next video). So then I attempted crocheting a circle three times. And guess what?! None of them looked like circles! They were ovals or they had corners or they rolled up!!!!
At this point, I’d been crocheting for six straight hours, and for some reason, I wasn’t good yet (apparently crocheting takes a lot longer to master than I thought). I was mad, considered quitting, but then I just went to bed.
This morning – I woke up with a fresh new attitude. Crocheting is my new favorite hobby, and I’m determined to be good at it! (No matter how many times my hand cramps up and feels like it’s going to fall off!)
So right now, I’m practicing my stitches again. (I’m actually so obsessed that I’ve been pausing between every very short paragraph just to crochet some more.) After I actually master the stitches, I’m going to retry the granny square. And this time, I’m going to get it!!!
Listen up, people. I, Kaelly Welsh, will be a master crochet-er. Now, who wants a scarf?